I’ve gained five pounds in a month, which wouldn’t matter if my goal hadn’t been to lose five pounds in a month. And no, it’s not muscle, I’ve not worked out once. With every final paper and photograph taken I have treated myself to desert. Because sometimes you need a treat.
But not all the time. And therein lies the problem.
Too troubled for sleep.
Capricorn: This week is going to be about joy and confidence and hope, about letting yourself be seduced, just a little, by the wildest parts of your dreams, by the wildest future lives you can think up. Try to feed these dreams—let them grow strong, let them grow bigger than feels safe, bigger than feels real. Try not to even feel weird about this crazy confidence. Listen to Marnie Stern, listen to Laura Mvula, listen to the people in your life who think that you’re good, who think you’re the best, who think that you’re infinite.
And I jump when you touch me
because I’ve never understood how to feel
breathing in your silences
I take measure
with your hands
we build mountains of a different sort
closed windows and tight doors
we slip away
teacups and netflix
lazy Saturday mornings
I will pack you on a box and take you
take you through this thing called life
keeping you safe from the rain
as if water could crease our love
slow our pace
and eternal march towards the sun
I’m not scared, I’m terrified.
Capricorn: This week’s going to feel a little tangled, a little wild, a little green; this week you’re going to feel your snarly roots speaking to you in ways you don’t fully understand. This week is about remembering where you come from—sometimes in ways that are lovely and warm, sometimes in ways that are scary and bleak. Both are important, both are going to follow you until you look them in the eye, until you invite them in for dinner. This is a good week to prune your plants, a good week to start some seeds on your windowsill, a week for feeling very tender.
(Source: therumpus)
I think that you’re finally realizing the friends you’ve made aren’t the friends you had.
I just realized that the school councilor didn’t pull me away from my 5th grade classes because I wore grey shirts. She did it because I didn’t have any friends.
I wasn’t pretty, I was chubby and strange. Pulling all of the Holocaust history books from the shelves of the classroom and devouring them one by one. They interested me, the judgment of my classmates did not.
I hated when she came for me. The look of interest that my teacher cast me before she dismissed my unwilling frame to rise and leave. To follow a strange willowy frame to other end of the school and talk about how uneventful my life was.
I had no friends. How did I never know?
I feel that
If nothing else
The one dent I have made in your life
Is untidy covers
carelessly tossed pillows
forts made of Spanish homework and news reports
This is my spot
on your bed
and in
your life
